


Tall Tales

by BlueQuills



Series: Hermitcraft and Dream SMP Oneshots - By Request [3]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Hermitcraft RPF, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Light-Hearted, Storytelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:08:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27568033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueQuills/pseuds/BlueQuills
Summary: The Dream SMPers and Hermits tell some stories around a campfire.Tommy has an excellent one. So does Grian.The most thrilling tales of adventure, freedom and betrayal.It sounds a lot less serious among friends though.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: Hermitcraft and Dream SMP Oneshots - By Request [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1993072
Comments: 40
Kudos: 429





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ceruth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceruth/gifts).



> From:  
> Ceruth  
> Request:  
> (((Maybe Tommy and Tubbo trying to explain to some of the hermits the multiple wars that happened, and the hermits explaining the Season 6 war, and the Turf War happening in Season 7?)))
> 
> This one took a while, mostly because I had to make sure that the stuff I knew about the Dream SMP war was correct.  
> Chapter two in progress, will be hermits telling the story about their Prank and Turf wars.  
> Enjoy!

"My turn! Get ready for the best story yet!" Tommy announced grandly.  
He was sitting on a log, beside a campfire, along with the rest of the SMP and all the Hermitcraft members. They met like this once a month, just to talk and have fun, and tonight, they were having a story contest.

Tubbo pouted, amusement glittering brightly in his eyes. "You mean my story about the bee wasn't the best?"  
Behind him, Sapnap feigned falling asleep to George, who snickered, but stopped when Dream elbowed him in the ribs.

Techno was polishing his diamond blade quietly. He had just finished with his story: Part three, the finale of the Great Potato War. Tommy had to admit that he had set the bar pretty high for the rest of them, as it had been the perfect combination - a thrilling tale - of intelligence, self-awareness and fate. The fact that it had specifically been told in Techno's monotone but somehow dramatic voice only made it better.

Grian grinned. "When you finish, I have a good one."

Tommy smirked. "Well I'm first."  
He leaned forwards, his eyes reflecting the flickering golden light of the flames.  
"It all started when one boy joined a server. A server called the Dream SMP."

Tubbo raised his hand excitedly. "Oh! That's you!"

Tommy smirked. "Yeah. So, I built a little house and stuff.  
Then, I found the most valuable things I've ever laid eyes on."

Grian tilted his head. "Diamonds?"

"Excessive obsession with material wealth will never lead to true happiness." Techno remarked casually.

Grian looked a little taken aback. "Uh. Alright?"

Tommy chuckled. "No. I had diamonds. But I found music disks.  
Mellohi, and Cat.  
They were my greatest joy, but would soon lead to my deepest sorrows."

"Why are you talking like Techno?" Tubbo interjected. 

Tommy rolled his eyes. "I'm just being good at telling stories! I am not taking like Techno!"

Techno cleared his throat. "I mean... you kind of are." He paused, then added, "but it's just not the same. I do agree that I'm good at telling stories though."

Tommy ignored him. "I sought out an alliance with Sapnap, and fought bravely on his side against Ponk and Alyssa, who had teamed up on him.  
But little did we know, we would soon make a single kill that would put an end to our carefree days."

He paused for dramatic emphasis. Maybe he _was _talking like Techno.__

____

Mumbo looked very invested in the story, his eyes gleaming with interest. 

____

"Someone got caught in the crossfire. Someone who had the power, to change everything."

____

"Ooooh." Bad leaned forwards, a muffin forgotten beside him.

____

"And it was none other, than Dream."

____

Dream looked amused. 

____

Tommy continued. "Dream tried to get back at me by taking my music disks, which started one of the greatest wars in history.  
The disks were no longer a simple object, but instead a symbol of power and control."

____

Dream rolled his eyes. "Not really. They were literally just disks." Sapnap snickered, poking George who also looked amused.

____

Tommy waved him off. "Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I teamed again with Tubbo and Sapnap to regain my disks.  
It was a brutal battle, with only a slim margin of victory."

____

False tilted her head curiously. "Dream was outnumbered three to one, was he not?"

____

Techno answered, toasting a marshmallow speared at the end of his sword. "Yes, which which is why they stood at least a chance." His voice dripped with sarcasm, but was serious at the same time.

____

Bad laughed. "You should have seen him during a Manhunt. He could take four of us, no problem."

____

Dream smirked behind his mask, secretly pleased.

____

"Well the three of us took him down. So what does this say about the skills of the hunters, Bad?" Tommy challenged.

____

"Hey!" Sapnap protested. "I think you just mean George, Bad and Ant, because we took them when those three were you and Tubbo."

____

Tommy gave a shriek of laugher. "I guess we're just better!"

____

Grian chuckled. "Get good lol."

____

George rolled his eyes, trying to heal his wounded pride. Bad patted him on the shoulder and they shared a muffin together.

____

"So", Tommy continued. "Finally, we defeated Dream, with Tubbo dealing the killing blow, and I finally regained my music disks."

____

"Wait- " Cleo interrupted. "You murdered someone just for some music disks? Why not just get more disks?"

____

Techno glanced at her warily. "I mean... we literally had another battle over a named fish, so this wasn't even the weirdest one."

____

Tommy smirked. "I put them in a chest, and hid the chest near my base. I thought they were safe."

____

Tubbo interjected, too excited to contain himself. "And then Dream dug out literally his ENTIRE base! He found the disks, and took them back."

____

"So," Tommy declared. "We fought him again. And we won again. And this time, I put the disks in my Enderchest."

____

"Wait," Xisuma interjected, looking confused. "Why didn't you just do that the first time?"

____

Tommy scowled. "I was poor, alright? I didn't have an Enderchest!"

____

The hermits all laughed at him, and he remembered that they were the same players who would build farms so efficient hoppers didn't have time to pick up all the items, or flatten out a desert for 'a little bit of sand'. 

____

"Anyway," he moved on. "Everything was good. For a while.  
Nothing really happened. Peace fell over the land.  
But one day, a new player joined."

____

"Oh oh oh!" Tubbo raised his hand in excitement. "Wilber!" Wilber raised an eyebrow, casually spinning a marshmallow on a stick.

____

"Yeah, Wilber." Tommy agreed. "Wilber decided that he wanted to sell drugs to the rest of the serve-"

____

"Wait what?" Xisuma interrupted. "What did he want to do?" His voice was sharp with disapproval.

____

Cleo chuckled, nudging Xisuma gently. "Don't take it too seriously." She advised. The admin paused, and seemingly deflated a little. 

____

Tommy snickered. "So he asked me to help him sell drugs. Which," he added, glancing at Xisuma's expression, "weren't actually drugs but just potions."

____

Xisuma looked so immensely relieved that Tommy would have laughed at him, but truth to be told, he was a little afraid of Cleo, who was pretty protective of Xisuma since he let himself be pushed around. Or really, all the hermits.

____

Tommy continued. "To meet all our potion needs, we asked the other players for blaze rods. However, this alerted the authorities, Purpled, Punz and Sapnap, who attempted to stop us."

____

"Wait," Mumbo interjected. "Weren't you on the same side as Sapnap?"

____

Techno gave an ominous smile, carefully sticking another marshmallow onto his blade. "There are no sides, Mumbo. No friendship. No loyal allies. Only common gain."

____

"Yeah, something like that." Tommy agreed. "So anyway, Wilber's not too happy about that, and he proclaims the land around our little drug van to be a new country, free of Americans, and names it L'Manberg."

____

"Now hold on a moment," Impulse started. "Why no Americans?"

____

"Yeah." Tango agreed, tilting his head in curiosity. Beside him, Scar and Wels nodded too.

____

"Uh." Tommy smiled nervously. "Well all our enemies were Ameri-"

____

"He means," Wilber amended, "that there's no good way to answer that question, so he isn't going to."

____

"Yeah. That's what I meant." Tommy nodded his head frantically. Impulse gave him a skeptical look, trying not to burst into laugher.

____

Tommy took a deep breath. "Then, Dream heard about it, and -uh- he wasn't a fan. He didn't like how we wanted freedom, and so when Wilber declared independence, Dream declared war."

____

Grian sucked in a breath, eyes wide, almost dropping his marshmallow into the warm, crackling flames.

____

"We looked for new members, and Tubbo and Eret joined our side.  
A while later, the first citizen of L'Manberg was born, Fundy, son of Wilber and some salmon woman in the river."

____

"Uh." Etho blinked. "I don't mean to be judgemental, but..."

____

Wilber snorted. "All made up. He was adopted."

____

Fundy gasped. "What? You- "

____

"Moving on," Tommy declared forcefully. "Dream's side prepares for war, and he really isn't environmentally friendly, because he burns down a load of forests. Oh, and he aims TNT canons at L'Manberg, and surround us in really ugly walls."

____

Dream shrugged. "It was all necessary. It was war. No mercy."

____

Techno smirked. "This is low-grade war compared with the revolutionary tactics and innovative techniques established in my potato war."

____

"Yet you wouldn't call yourself a vey competitive person?" Dream questioned.

____

"Eh." Techno deadpanned. "Not really."

____

Grian burst into laugher, leaning against Mumbo who was also chuckling. "If you aren't competitive Techno, then nobody is!"

____

Techno gave a slow shrug, aware of Wilber and Niki giggling behind him.

____

Tubbo jutted in, excited, continuing the story. "The war was looking good for us, until Dream made it to L'Manberg, and threatened to detonate one piece of TNT if we didn't surrender.

____

Tommy swept in. "So we let him."

____

"And when it exploded, in the crater in the ground, we saw more TNT, some already primed. It was a trap. An ambush. A surprise." Tubbo explained.

____

Tango nodded, raising his hand for a high-five, which Dream obliged. "Nice. TNT is pretty good at solving problems. Second on the list is probably flying anvils."

____

Tubbo gave a shriek of laugher, Tommy simply rolling his eyes. He had to admit though, Tubbo was pretty good at telling the story too.

____

Tommy continued. "Now somehow, we didn't die from the TNT, and we go down into a little safety bunker."

____

Tubbo took up the story. "We're all huddled  
in this little room, when there's a button on the floor. Tommy actually tries to press it, and right when we tell him not to, Eret does."

____

Mumbo gasps dramatically, and Grian giggles at his friend. The rest of the hermits are all caught up in the story, their eyes wide.

____

Tommy started to speak. "Eret pressed the button.  
And the walls opened, to reveal Dream, Sapnap, George and Punz. We were unprepared, and trapped in our own safety room, so it was a massacre."

____

Tango gave Dream a respectful nod. "Well played." 

____

"Thanks." The masked man sounded pleased.

____

The rest of the hermits were looking horrified. False squeezed Stress' hand nervously. 

____

"And then?" Cleo prompt.

____

Tubbo took up the story. "We had lost. But Tommy, the stubborn idiot that he was, refused to accept it, and asked Dream to do a bow duel, putting one of his disks on the line."

____

"I'll have you know that it wasn't idiocy, it was courage, and honour." Tommy grumbled. "Anyway, it was a one shot duel. If I win, L'Manberg gets granted freedom. If Dream wins, he gets my disk." He paused to let it sink in.

____

There was a little sizzling pop as Impulse dropped his marshmallow into the fire.

____

Tubbo continued. "Dream won."

____

There was a round of "oooh"s from the hermits, and Dream gave a mock bow. 

____

Tommy popped a marshmallow into his mouth, his eyes reflecting the golden flames. "I gave Dream my disk. And while Wilber and Fundy and Tubbo were being all sad, I negotiated with Dream. I gave him my second disk as well, in return for the independence of L'Manberg."

____

Cleo nodded in approval. "Good going."

____

Tommy nodded. "Thanks. Anyway, I returned to Wilber, and I told him I had an announcement to make."

____

"It was awesome!" Tubbo burst out! "He said it in such a dramatic tone, like _Wilber I've negotiated our freedom_. None of us could believe it at at first!"

____

Tommy laughed, relieving the moment in his head. "It was pretty great."

____

"That does sound pretty great." Grian agreed, casually stealing Mumbo's marshmallow.

____

"So then," Tubbo exclaimed, "came the second round. Which, by the way, hasn't really finished yet, so we don't know who's won. Jshlatt over there-" he pointed at the ram- hybrid who was sullenly letting Niki stick marshmallows on his horns, "is on the evil side, and the rest of us are all arguable."

____

"I'm pretty sure Tommy's the protagonist." Techno observed calmly. "And I'm the wild card."

____

Sapnap shrugged. "Me too. Wild card, I mean. And so is Dream."

____

"Everyone at this point is prone to leaving the side they're on except for Tommy and Jschlatt." Tubbo summarized.

____

"That sounds a little confusing." Xisuma admitted. "How do you keep track of who's on what side?"

____

"Uh". Tommy cast a glance at Tubbo. "We don't. Anyone could be a traitor. I don't even know anymore".

____

Xisuma chuckled at his response. "Good luck, I suppose."

____

Tommy nodded. "So uh..." his voice trailed off.

____

Tubbo tilted his head. He knew what to say.

____

"The end!"

____


	2. Chapter 2

Grian popped a marshmallow into his mouth, savouring the sweet flavour that burst on his tongue. It was the perfect combination of soft, gooey and crispy. Of course it was. It was Mumbo's marshmallow after all. 

His moustached friend had seen him fail to toast a marshmallow three times in a row, and had offered him one of his own. 

Was it embarrassing? Yes. 

Was it worth it because he finally got to eat a decent marshmallow, despite not being the one to toast it? Also yes.

He smirked. "So I have a story."

Tommy turned to him challengingly. "As good as mine?"

"No." Grian replied. "Better than yours."

"Oooh!" Everyone echoed.

Tommy sputtered indignantly, and they all laughed. 

Grian paused, trying to decide where to start. "So, uh, I guess it started when I pranked Mumbo. He had previously lost a lot of items when he died while AFK, so I decided to be a good friend, and gift him a trident."

Mumbo chuckled. "Honestly after knowing Grian for so long, I should have been   
expecting that."

Grian smirked. "So I left the Trident, named the _fork of friendship_ in a chest for him. Then, with the help of Iskall, I surrounded him in obsidian. And because he had just lost a load of stuff earlier, he had gotten into the habit of AFKing without items. Such as a pickaxe."

"That's evil." Techno observed casually.

"You're fine with murdering people but _this_ is evil?" Dream sputtered.

"Killing is just physical violence. Easy to recover from. Now _this_ is the kind of thing that you don't forget."

Dream rolled his eyes, then gestured at Grian to continue.

"So, Mumbo wasn't very happy with this, and the first chance he got, he came back at us. Intending to make us do the same thing, he gave us presents, in Shulker boxes that had the top closed off with obsidian, and a note that said not to break the obsidian."

Tommy blinked a few times. "Do you seriously just listen to the note?"

Iskall smirked. "In Hermitcraft, we have a certain honour code, in that even pranking, we try tot do stuff the way whoever set it up was intending, and not break things."

Mumbo laughed. "Says you, Iskall!" He turned to Tommy. "Iskall, after seeing the note, went ahead and broke it with his pickaxe."

Iskall turned red. "How else was I supposed to do it?" He protested.

Grian chuckled. "Well I outsmarted Mumbo, and simply used a piston to push the Shulker box out from under the obsidian."

Iskall turned even redder, and Mumbo threw a marshmallow at him. "That would have been just fine. Anyhow, both my pranks were unsuccessful, with Grian making it just plain embarrassing for me."

"So then," Grian continued, laughing,  
"Mumbo punished Iskall for his crimes against the prank by gifting him a Shulker box full of diorite, which is Iskall's least favourite block as it resembles bird poop."

Iskall shuddered at the mention of diorite.

Grian stuck a marshmallow on his stick, hoping it wouldn't burst into flames like his last one. "So then, like any normal person would, Iskall immediately heads over to False's base, because she won my head-hunt game instead of him, and builds a giant statue of Poultry Man, a mysterious superhero who likes to hatch chickens everywhere."

"Uh." Fundy managed. "Wait what?"

Mumbo leaned over to him, lowering his voice. "It's actually Grian in a chicken costume, and it's just another way for him to cause chaos."

Grian stared at his friend in horror. "I heard that! How could you accuse me of such a thing! Mumbo! I thought we were friends!"

Mumbo chuckled, throwing another marshmallow at him. "Yeah, sure." He sounded so unconvinced that it was almost funny. 

Grian huffed, then turned back to his little audience. "Iskall was pretty proud of his Poultry Man statue, and he left a note, signing his name as if it was an art piece."

Sapnap tilted his head. "Isn't the point _not_ to let them know?"

Grian shrugged. "I mean, they'd find out eventually. And besides, when we prank each other, we do it with the intention that we're going to get pranked back. It's part of the fun!"

Iskall snickered. "I mean, I was _supposed_ to get pranked back..."

Grian laughed. "Right. So Cleo came across the prank before False did, and she decided to change to sign, to place the blame on Ren."

Tubbo nodded with approval. "Nice."

"Why thank you." Cleo smiled.

Grian continued. "So when False found the sign, she came to me for help to prank Ren. He had been building a Giant Central Station railway network for a while, so we finished it for him. The ending was pretty spectacular, and it -uh- involved some obsidian, a pit and a tiny bit of lava."

False chuckled. "It was pretty good stuff, considering that neither of us knew any redstone."

Grian nodded in agreement. "But then," he smirked. "Right before we were completely done, we found out that it was actually Iskall who had pranked False. So we wrote a _very_ convincing sign in a Swedish accent that framed him for our prank instead."

Ren rolled his eyes. "I think you mispronounced amusing-but-not-at-all-believable."

"Oh no," Grian disagreed cheerfully. "You totally fell for it. Totally."

Techno suddenly flicked his sword upwards, flinging the marshmallow he was toasting at the end of it into the air, and caught it in his mouth. Everyone jumped backwards, started by the sudden movement. 

Techno blinked. "Sorry." He said in a voice that suggested he was not at all sorry. "I had to see if that was possible."

Dream whacked him gently. "Show off."

Techno smirked. "Jealous that I actually have skills to show off?" His voice was teasing.

Dream clutched his chest, pretending to be in pain. "I can't believe you just said that! Oh, my pride, it can't handle such a blow." He leaned backwards, dramatically falling onto Sapnap's lap, who mock glared at Techno. 

"Now look what you've done! It's going to take his ego at least a month to recover from that!"

Fundy rolled his eyes. "Can we get on with the story?"

Grian chuckled. "I suppose so."

Dream sat up again, alert.

Grian continued. "Ren falls for the prank and dies, and obviously he isn't happy with that, so he gets help from Doc and Impulse to set up a prank for Cleo, since technically the switch up was her fault."

"Hold on a moment," George interrupted. "I'm confused. Who pranked who? There's too much going on."

"Uh." Xisuma chuckled. "Don't worry. The general idea is just everyone is pranking everyone else." He glanced at Grian. "I don't know how he remembers everything so precisely."

Grian gave a mysterious smile. "I'm talented. Anyway, Ren, Doc and Impulse build an entire ghost ship next to Cleo's pirate ship, and set up a trap inside it that is triggered when the victim follows instructions left on some signs. They leave when they're finished, and that's when someone comes in, and changes the signs."

"I'm noticing a pattern here." Tommy observed.

"Of pranking? Yeah, me too." Tubbo agreed, trying hard not to laugh.

Tommy rolled his eyes. "You guys really like changing signs."

Cleo shrugged. "What can I say? It's the easiest way to cause utter confusion."

Grian smirked. "Could not have phrased it better myself. Anyhow, the signs were changed to target me, and I went and died."

"Who was it that changed the signs?" Dream questioned. 

"Me!" Iskall admitted proudly. 

Dream nodded at him. "Good job." 

Iskall laughed. "I think Grian would have a very different opinion on that."

Grian grinned. "Honesty, it was pretty good play. So, moving on. Ren and False discover that Iskall had not been pranked for all his shenanigans, and so they make him a cake. Unfortunately for him, it's so large that his castle is completely inside the _Red Velvet Cake_ , and it's got diorite frosting."

False and Ren high-fived, resulting in the latter accidentally dropping his marshmallows into the fire.

Grian went on with the story. "Iskall employed me to blow it all up, as he decided that his castle wasn't worth digging up, and I made a big crater. Then I, because I still thought that the ghost ship prank was aimed at me, and didn't know Impulse was involved, decided to prank the stock exchange, as Ren and Doc had both worked hard on it."

Doc nodded ominously. "They messed with my bush."

"What bush?" George questioned, looking utterly lost.

Grian looked amused. "We'll get to that." He promised. "Now this was a big prank, so I recruited the help of Tango, and we broke into their vault, took all the diamonds, and replaced everything with mine and Tango's heads."

Bad blinked. "That's a little... morbid."

Cleo shrugged. "Head collecting is a game. Don't think about it too much."

Bad raised his eyebrows, then nodded, nibbling on a muffin. "Not thinking about it too much." His tone made it clear he was trying to convince himself.

Doc fiddled with a marshmallow. "They put one in my bush." He said quietly. Ren patted him comfortingly.

Grian chuckled. "Yeah, I put one in his bush, which he spent a lot of time making. Sorry man."

Doc nodded half heartedly. "It's alright." 

"Anyway," Grian continued. "Cleo realized that Impulse actually didn't get any payback from intending to catch her in a prank, so she went and got help from Joe and Jevin to make The Hall of Atonement."

Impulse made a face. "There was lava too, to murder me with. Joe got rid of it though thankfully."

Grian laughed. "Actually, there wasn't at first. I went and added it after I confirmed when Cleo that she didn't change the signs to target me!"

Impulse gaped in shock. "That was _you_?"

Grian nodded proudly, spurring some chuckles from his audience. Fundy grinned. "I approve of this guy."

He gave a sideways glance at Wilber. "I still haven't forgiven you though, about what you said earlier. Am I really adopte-"

" _Then_ ," Grian cut in forcefully, "Joe was disappointed in me for adding dying to a 'don't kill people' lesson and sends me two very long messages about war."

"Was it quoting Sun Tzu?" Techno asked seemingly out of no where."

"Uh." Grian blinked. "I don't know?"

Techno shrugged. "Shame. If you had read _The Art of War_ there would not have been any question who would have won."

Grian raised his eyebrows, looking not at all convinced. "Yeah, sure. Anyhow, he also pours lava down my base. Which doesn't actually do anything but looks really scary."

Joe chuckled. "Your base was already a death trap anyway."

Grian pouted. "I disagree." He protested, amused. "He uses an IOU to stop me from pranking him back, and we ally. So then, Doc goes and asks for help from his two greatest investors in the stock exchange, Wels and Ex-Eye-Zoohmah to help him prank Tango."

Xisuma tilted his head. "Wels and who?"

"Xisuma." Grian answered innocently, picking up a marshmallow. "You."

"Yeah, sure, _grain_."

Grian sputtered, an exaggerated look of pain on his face. "Ex-Eye-Zoohmah! Do you think I'm bread?"

Xisuma chuckled. "No more than you think I'm... I don't even know what you just called me."

Grian smirked. "To be fair, literally no one knows the correct pronunciation of your name."

"It's Xisuma! Like ' _ish-uma'_." He protested. "It's not that difficult."

Techno glanced at Dream. "That almost sounds as fancy as 'Dre'."

Dream rolled his eyes, although no one noticed because they were hidden behind his mask.

Xisuma sighed. "Well, bread, you should probably continue."

Grian managed to swallow whatever comeback he was going to toss and nodded. "Ex-Eye-Zoohmah, Wels and Doc get back at Tango by announcing a sale at his rocket shop, and changing all the rockets into explosive ones that hurt you when you fly with them."

Tango grinned. "That was pretty good, I'll give you guys that."

Grian laughed. "I mean... when you found out about it, you fixed all the rockets but kept the sale!"

Tango smirked. "It was a fine sale."

"Yes," Grian agreed, "but do you know what isn't fine? Kidnapping Sally!"

"Uh", Fundy interjected. "I'm going to ask the obvious question here: who's Sally?"

"She is a chicken who belongs to Gr- Poultry Man." Mumbo sputtered. "Poultry Man. Who is not the same person as Grian."

"Yup." Grian confirmed, taking one of Mumbo's marshmallows. "Not at all. Anyway, Ex-Eye-Zoohmah, Doc and Wels must have really enjoyed pranking Tango, because they decide to prank Poultry Man by taking Sally hostage in a dungeon. During the recovery, which was carried out by Iskall and Stress, Sally is killed by a pufferfish, so they replace her with a chicken that looks the exact same. And then that Sally died of old age like immediately after."

Techno raised an eyebrow. "I think that's animal abuse."

Sapnap stared at him. "Says the person with a literal cow pit on our server."

"That... is a fair point." Techno admitted. "Please continue."

Grian carried on with the story. "So at this point, we all had enough, and we got into teams. The G-Team, which was me, Stress, Iskall, Cleo, Joe, Jevin and Tango, and Team S. T. A. R, which consisted of Doc, Impulse, False, Wels and Ex-Eye-Zoohmah."

George tilted his head curiously. "Why was your team called the G-Team?"

"Well obviously it's because we all have a G in our names." Grian said matter-of-factly. "So the idea was that we make our own team base and then try to infiltrate the other team's base. Pretty standard stuff."

Iskall laughed. "But then we decided to invite Mumbo. Grian and I convinced him to be a double agent."

Everyone started chuckling, imagining the trouble of having Mumbo as a spy.

Mumbo blushed, looking embarrassed. "Don't laugh at me." He managed to stutter, which only made the entire two servers laugh even louder. "It was difficult. I went and told Doc about it, and then he got me to spy on Grian, but secretly I was still on Grian's side so... I guess I was a triple agent?"

Grian accidentally dropped his marshmallow only the fire again, his hands shaking from laugher. "It wasn't supposed to be that confusing! Honestly I was surprised they didn't bust you earlier!"

"Me too." Mumbo admitted. 

Grian rolled his eyes, breathless from laughter. "Anyway," his eyes shone with amusement. "Both Teams started getting cold feet when it came to taking down a white truce flag that we had set up, so Cub, who got tired of waiting, dropped some TNT down and immediately killed Tango, Mumbo and Wels."

Cub smirked proudly. "Which means I got the first kill in the prank war."

"Um," Tango glanced at him. "Well I got the first death!"

Wels laughed. "That's arguable. First one-third maybe." Mumbo nodded in agreement.

"I'm not sure I understand why you guys are arguing over this," Grian interrupted, "but I'm going to continue, if that's alright with you."

Tango chuckled. "Yeah, sure."

Grian chewed on an un-toasted marshmallow, giving up on toasting them after dropping five in a row into the fire. "So Team S. T. A. R fires their Ghast cannons, and we retaliate by releasing like two hundred zombies wearing our heads into their base."

Techno raised an eyebrow. "Should I ask?"

"No." Impulse admitted.

Techno huffed in amusement, distractedly throwing a marshmallow at Dream, the masked man catching it midair with the tip of his sword and lowering it over the fire.

Grian smirked. "Eventually, Team S. T. A. R decides to organize an actual sort of raid on our base, and Mumbo types up the code word that we came up with for this situation-"

"BANANAS!" Mumbo shouted in excitement, startling Tubbo into falling off the log he was sitting on. He got up a moment later, his face red with embarrassment, swatting at Tommy for laughing.

"-which was 'bananas'." Grian explained, kindly pretending that he hadn't seen anything. "But instead of just quietly telling us, he yells it, multiple times over!"

Mumbo shrugged. "Well how was I to know that you heard it?"

"I told you only to say it once!" Grian sputtered. "Or at least I assumed it was common sense!"

"Yeah, sure." Mumbo agreed, unconvinced.

Grian rolled his eyes. "Thankfully, we stopped the attack when all twenty million of Stress' dogs murdered the Team S. T. A. R people, but Mumbo was uncovered, _shockingly_ , to be a mole."

Mumbo threw a marshmallow at Grian. "I tried my best." He protested. "What do you want from me?"

Grian grinned, patting Mumbo across the back. "I know you did. That's why it's funny. Anyway, we realize that this chaos isn't going to solve anything, so we decide to have some more orderly craziness."

Iskall grinned. "This part was really fun!"

"That's cause you guys won." Doc pointed out, amused.

"You had fun too." Iskall retorted. 

"That.." Doc paused. "Yeah, that's true."

"We each set up three flags, and fifteen lives." Grian explained. "When a Team captures all the flags, they win, or when a Team loses all fifteen lives, they lose. Either one."

"Oh. So like capture the flag." Techno observed.

"Yeah." Grian bobbed his head. "So -uh- we won."

Dream clapped politely, as did Bad. Techno gave a little nod. Tommy was too busy trying to stick a marshmallow in Tubbo's hair to notice that the story was basically over.

Cub smirked. "Nah. Let me tell you who the real winners were of that war."

Scar chuckled. "Any guesses?"

Techno shrugged. "Uh, Jschlatt?"

"Wait what?" The ram horned man turned, confused. "I wasn't even on the server."

" _Exactly_." Techno agreed. "It's unexpected."

Cub smirked. "Nah. A good guess though. The real winners, were Concorp!"

"That's... true." Grian admitted. "They were the only ones who benefitted from the war."

Mumbo distractedly threw a marshmallow at Cub, who ducked, resulting in it hitting False who sat behind him. She smirked, grabbing her own marshmallow. "Oh you are on!"

Mumbo yelped. "No! I'm sorry False!"

She pelted him with marshmallows, accidentally hitting Wilber, who instantly sprang up and chucked one right back at her.

Tommy shrieked in delight and immediately threw a handful of marshmallows at Dream, who jumped out of the way just in time.

"Marshmallow fight!" Tubbo declared, and the clearing descended into madness. Techno gave an evil chuckle, and everyone around him was instantly afraid of him, despite his only weapon being fluffy white snacks.

Grian laughed, a marshmallow stuck in his hair. 

"The end!"

**Author's Note:**

> No, this is not the actual end of the story. There's a chapter two :D
> 
> To request an idea, please leave a comment in part one of this series. 
> 
> Thanks!  
> <3


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